How to Get Past Your Perfectionism and Just Do It (Authority Magazine Interview)
Perfectionism is not simply the pursuit of high-quality outcomes; it is an inflexibility and application of rigid standards that strongly influence well-being, motivation, and self-worth.
Many successful people are perfectionists. At the same time, they have the ability to say “Done is Better Than Perfect” and just complete and wrap up a project. What is the best way to overcome the stalling and procrastination that perfectionism causes? How does one overcome the fear of potential critique or the fear of not being successful? In this interview series, called “How To Get Past Your Perfectionism And ‘Just Do It’, we are interviewing successful leaders who can share stories and lessons from their experience about how to overcome the hesitation caused by perfectionism.
As a part of this series, we had the pleasure to interview Erris Klapper.
Erris is an attorney, writer and certified professional coach and consultant, with a master’s degree in industrial and organizational psychology. She is also a prolific writer, and her articles have appeared over 100 times in numerous media outlets including Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Yahoo News, Country Living, Esquire, House Beautiful and more. She leverages her multidisciplinary background to promote communication skills by blending a deep understanding of the legal/corporate landscape with the intricacies of human behavior at work. She is experienced in coaching executives to accomplish goals, including personal growth and leadership development, strategy, team management, improving dynamics, engagement, work-life balance and more. She specializes in Imposter Syndrome navigation and management, executive presence and communication.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
Iwas born in Israel, to an American mother, a child of Holocaust survivors, and an Israeli father, a child of pre-WWII immigrants. Back then, Israel was safe and relatively free of the types of crimes American parents worried about. My friends and I rode our bikes all over town past dark and took the bus to Tel Aviv to explore the city independently, even though we were not yet teens.
That sense of freedom disappeared along with any sense of security I felt when my family moved to South Africa during the height of Apartheid. We lived behind walls in a world that was rigidly segregated, foreign and often frightening. My father, a high-risk obstetrician studying birth anomalies, rotated every six months through hospitals serving White, Black, and “mixed race” communities, and I, as the oldest of much younger siblings, navigated this transition largely on my own. There was no awareness of cultural acculturation or counselors at school to ease the shock — just a new school, a new environment, and the expectation that I’d adapt. I had to not only master a new language but also develop resilience and resourcefulness out of sheer necessity.
Then, just before high school, my family moved to Larchmont, New York, where culture shock set in again. I shed the rigid private school uniform, South African accent, and British manners for a more integrated society, MTV, legwarmers, feathered hair, and makeup. But my past experiences clung to me, informing my perspective daily. Shortly after arriving in New York, I was invited to a friend’s beach club, and as we walked past the tennis courts, I noticed a sign that read “White Only Attire.” I froze, confused, saying nothing, but couldn’t wait to get home and let my mother know that “It’s happening here too.” Obviously, I missed the word “attire” and the context of the signage. She explained that it meant only people dressed in proper white tennis clothing were allowed on the court, although America, too, had its issues. It wasn’t until years later that I realized just how mixed up, jaded, and traumatized I was from not only growing up in three such different countries and cultures, but from the lack of coping tools at my disposal.
I grew to love and embrace New York as a thrilling, chaotic jungle that once again afforded me the freedom I craved. I could take the train into the city with friends, explore museums, neighborhoods, and foods, attend concerts, shows, and clubs, and immerse in what felt like the center of the universe.
Coming of age on three continents and being the “new girl” in five different classrooms in a three-year period, I learned not only to adapt but to thrive on change and new experiences. Today I know that my inherent passion for coaching stems from a desire to help people dare to dream, set goals and use practical tools to overcome hurdles. The prospect of new possibilities and challenges thrills me, and I thrive on helping others ignite it.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Viktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
This is one of my favorite quotes, and it’s prominently displayed on my desk as a daily reminder of the power to choose what I do with that space. I’m inherently goal and productivity oriented; I move quickly and thrive on momentum. Earlier in my career, that translated into fast decisions and high expectations, sometimes before carving out space for reflection. That was true for my personal life as well.
When I began treating the ‘space between’ as a calculated strategy, I implemented a personal rule: I don’t make high-stakes decisions in a state of cognitive urgency. I consciously remind myself to take the proverbial deep breath before responding, and the quote on my desk is a salient reminder. Learning to pause before reacting in my personal life has been one of the most effective and rewarding moments of growth.
My training as a lawyer conditioned me to think fast and speak even faster, but that often resulted in a knee-jerk approach that is not merited in most situations. That same training programmed me to always respond, not realizing that no response is always an option — and often the best one. In the past, I saw not responding as a weakness, and now I see it as an asset. Having the presence of mind to pause and reflect, and the self-control to withhold a hasty response, is a gift that I don’t take for granted.
Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
A book that had a significant impact on me was Simon Sinek’s, Start with Why. Sinek proposed that inspiring leaders and organizations start with why, and only then move on to how and what. He calls this concept the Golden Circle and challenges us to define our purpose or belief before focusing on what to do or how to do it.
What resonated with me most was the idea that people connect more deeply with purpose than with products or outcomes. Before hearing this talk, I thought about goals in terms of results and achievements. Sinek’s perspective rewired my process to intentionally consider the underlying motivation and only then assess if and how to proceed.
When I work with clients, I challenge them to find their why because I believe that our path forward lies at the intersection of passion and purpose. For me, this has increased motivation and influenced how I view each task, project, or long-term goal. If I can’t articulate why I’m pursuing it, then I know I need to spend time reflecting and clarifying.
When I was offered an opportunity to host a radio show, I jumped on the idea before considering my why and without honoring the space between stimulus and response. My inner dialogue played an endless loop that included phrases like, great opportunity and once in a lifetime but I could not articulate why. I focused on what I needed to do next and how to do it, and when my why just didn’t add up, I walked away from the project and decided to begin working on my own podcast. Beyond Your Job, is my passion project where I explore work, life, balance, and everything in between by sitting down with professionals from diverse industries and having honest, hard and humorous conversations about their personal and professional worlds.
I am not doing it for money, fame, or attention, and have no intention of chasing advertisers, which was a big part of the what and how of the radio show offer. Beyond Your Job will explore burnout, boundaries, leadership, legacy and what it really means to be successful — not just on paper, but in real life. Guests will also share practical tips on decluttering your space and your mind, meal prepping when you’re busy, and finding small, doable routines that make life easier to create time and space for the things that really matter. Beyond Your Job will soon be available on Spotify, Apple, YouTube and other channels.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
People skills: Effective communication, intuition and understanding people’s emotions, thoughts, and perspectives have been critical to my success. Questioning with intention, active listening and empathy are critical to interpersonal skills. People skills are sometimes referred to as “soft skills” — what a fallacy! The ability to recognize and empathize with the emotions of others, and meet them where they are, help build positive relationships, create cooperation, and make professional interactions more powerful and productive.
Perfectionism: Perfectionism is my mixed blessing and learning how to harness its powers without succumbing to anxiety and inertia is a work in progress. I use this inherent quality to set high goals, drive results and stay motivated, while constantly working to prevent over-compensation, stress and harsh self-criticism. For me, mindful awareness of the balance prevents escalation.
Perseverance: Perseverance is one of my strongest traits and a defining factor in my success. Like everyone else, I have plenty of doubts and fears, but those drive me to work through them rather than walk away. During my master’s program, I was petrified of the required statistics class: I had not stepped foot in a classroom in 30 years and had little aptitude for math. I confronted my apprehension (sometimes with a lot of kicking and screaming) head-on, and despite significant self-doubt, it became one of my favorite courses and a skill I now use consistently in my work. Similarly, I traditionally despised public speaking, due to a traumatic mock-trial experience in law school. My work now involves frequent public presentations to diverse audiences, and I’ve not only conquered my disdain but genuinely enjoy these presentations. I am tenacious and possess grit by nature; once I commit to a goal, I continue pushing forward until I succeed.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly is a perfectionist? Can you explain?
Perfectionism is a self-expectation based on setting unrealistically high standards, expecting flawlessness, intolerance for mistakes, and basing self-worth on achievement. Perfectionism differs from striving for excellence, which centers on setting high standards, accepting that mistakes are part of the process, progress matters and internalizing satisfaction with ‘good enough’ achievements.
Much of my work centers on Imposter Syndrome, and I find that it’s hard to have Imposter Syndrome and not suffer from some degree of perfectionism. On the other hand, a perfectionist may not necessarily experience Imposter Syndrome. Regardless, there is a cycle in which perfectionists set unreasonably high goals, monitor their performance closely for errors, and respond to perceived imperfections with severe dissatisfaction or self-criticism. This process can produce either excessive overworking to eliminate flaws or avoidance and procrastination due to fear of failure, resulting in low self-esteem and self-efficacy, and mental and physical health ramifications. Therefore, perfectionism is not simply the pursuit of high-quality outcomes; it is an inflexibility and application of rigid standards that strongly influence well-being, motivation, and self-worth.
The premise of this interview series is making the assumption that being a perfectionist is not a positive thing. But presumably, seeking perfection can’t be entirely bad. What are the positive aspects of being a perfectionist? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?
The upside of perfectionism is obvious: high personal standards and consistent motivation that accomplish results. Research confirms that ambitious goals, diligence, and a desire to produce high-quality work can be associated with beneficial outcomes. Individuals with these tendencies often demonstrate strong attention to detail, persistence when facing challenges, and a commitment to refining and improving their work. This results in high levels of performance in academic, professional, and creative contexts, particularly in fields where precision and reliability are valued because perfectionists ensure amazing outcomes. The question is, at what personal cost? When balanced with flexibility and constructive self-evaluation, the ambitious drive for excellence that accompanies perfectionism can produce results without taking a toll on mental health. A healthy dose of perfectionism can encourage continuous learning, skill development, and sustained effort toward achieving demanding goals.
I use the positive aspects of my perfectionism to set high standards, go after opportunities and accept challenges and change. I’ve learned that balancing ambition with patience, adaptability, and self-compassion when mistakes occur is crucial for harnessing the positive aspects of perfectionism while reducing its negative effects.
What are the negative aspects of being a perfectionist? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?
Perfectionism is a personality construct that underlies other tendencies, such as striving for flawlessness, being self-critical, or worrying about judgment. That’s hard to undo or overcome without conscious effort. Research demonstrates that maladaptive forms of perfectionism are linked to increased stress, anxiety, and persistent dissatisfaction with performance, even when outcomes are objectively successful. Individuals may become overly focused on mistakes and perceived imperfections, which can lead to fear of failure, procrastination, and avoidance of tasks where flawless performance is uncertain. This pattern can undermine motivation and productivity, as the pressure to achieve perfection may make it difficult to complete projects or feel satisfied with completed work. Over time, such inclinations are also associated with burnout, reduced well-being, and a tendency to base self-worth heavily on achievement, making setbacks feel disproportionately threatening to one’s sense of competence and identity.
One of the pitfalls of perfectionism is constantly moving the goal post and failing to internalize success. Moving the goalposts refers to a cognitive pattern in which individuals continually raise or alter their standards after achieving a goal, preventing themselves from recognizing success or feeling satisfied with their accomplishments. Moving the goal post means evaluating performance against ever-increasing expectations rather than acknowledging completed achievements. As a result, accomplishments may be minimized or reframed as insufficient, leading individuals to set new, often more demanding standards immediately after meeting previous ones. The first step towards mitigating this tendency is recognizing this pattern of continual escalation, which contributes to chronic dissatisfaction. Treating yourself with the same kindness and appropriate grace that you give others helps break the cycle when it creeps up.
From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common reasons that cause a perfectionist to “get stuck” and not move forward? Can you explain?
Fear of making mistakes or producing less-than-perfect work traps perfectionists into procrastination because the fear of failure creates inertia and a lack of motivation. Conversely, fear of failure can lead to overpreparation, where excessive time is spent planning or refining details, in an effort to avoid any flaws. As a result, the goalpost keeps shifting, raising standards continuously, and making it impossible to feel satisfied. These patterns take a toll on both mental and physical health, causing stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. Over time, burnout sets in, accompanied by low self-esteem and diminished self-efficacy, as perfectionists begin to doubt their abilities and struggle to recognize their achievements. Failure to internalize accomplishments contributes to the perfectionism loop and keeps perfectionists stuck in a perpetual cycle of lack of satisfaction. Again, the trick is to harness the positive aspects of perfectionism while minimizing the negative repercussions.
Here is the central question of our discussion. What are the five things a perfectionist needs to know to get past their perfectionism and “just do it?” Please share a story or example for each.
1. Identify and Challenge “All or Nothing” Thinking
Cognitive Behavior Therapy teaches us a technique that helps with mitigating perfectionism. First, identify the exact harsh or rigid thought that pops into your mind. For example, “My boss criticized me at a meeting. My career here is over.” Next, identify and name the emotion associated with that automatic thought. For example, shame, anxiety, or worthlessness. Then, weigh the evidence for and against it. You may have made a mistake, or your boss could have been making constructive comments for you to consider. After weighing the evidence, replace the all-or-nothing thought with a more balanced and realistic one, such as, “I’m off to a good start. My boss provided feedback on additional angles to consider as the project moves forward.” This approach reduces harsh self-criticism, encourages self-compassion, and helps people recognize the gray area between total success and total failure, but requires commitment to identifying, naming and reframing harsh automatic thoughts as they arise.
2. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Perfectionism and being hard on yourself go hand in hand. When you notice self-judgment and the negative talk loop playing in your head, pause and ask, “Would I speak to a friend the way I’m speaking to myself?” Keeping a daily log of the negative narrative and partnering each thought with a challenge to do better is also helpful. For example, “Today I was hard on myself after my boss reviewed my operational report; how can I reframe this self-talk more kindly?”
3. Acceptance and Mindfulness
Even perfectionists know that mistakes can happen and accepting that they are inevitable is extremely difficult. I recommend picking a low-stakes task where you usually aim for perfection. Intentionally perform it “good enough” rather than flawlessly. For example, try sending out one email a day with a spelling mistake. I’m not recommending sending it to your first-choice job along with your resume; I am suggesting picking a lower stakes situation and becoming comfortable with “good enough.” Then, observe and internalize outcome. In most situations, nothing bad happens and this type of exposure to imperfection helps to retrains the brain to accept less than perfection and be comfortable with that. As uncomfortable as that sounds, it makes for a much more comfortable existence.
4. Intentionally Challenge Perfectionist Habits
Perfectionism is an overcompensation which leads to unnecessary stress in overachievers, who would likely succeed without the added angst of perfectionism. Intentionally setting a limit or rule helps to reverse this type of escalation. Research supports that setting an anti-overcompensation rule, essentially a boundary, encourages intentionally moderating effort and expectations, allowing room for mistakes and imperfection, which can reduce anxiety, increase self-efficacy, and break the cycle. For example, before preparing a quarterly report, a CEO can consciously decide that after the report is finalized, they will review it only once, submit it, and accept that perfectionism is not necessary for success. This is hard, but practice leads to positive results.
5. Set SMART Goals
Convert vague high standards to specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals. This also helps with motivation because Goal Setting Theory supports that setting specific but challenging goals (along with regular feedback) leads not only to increased motivation but also to better performance. So instead of setting a vague, unrealistic standard, set a SMART standard, stick with it, and allow yourself to internalize the motivation and satisfaction that results.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
I challenge each of us to do one good thing each day for another person, not in our immediate circle. There are so many ways to do this: letting someone ahead of you in line, spending a few extra moments talking to someone, noticing the small things and commenting in a positive way. The possibilities are endless. Imagine our society if every single person did this every single day with no exceptions. Research confirms that performing consistent acts of kindness is associated with greater life satisfaction, positive affect, and increased appreciation for others. So, this is not only good for others, but it’s also a way for us to be good to ourselves.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
I’ve been working on a memoir on coming of age in South Africa during the height of Apartheid forever now — and who knows what will come of it — but at least my third draft is now done. I would treasure sitting down to talk to Oprah Winfrey, whose philanthropic work there has educated and inspired generations of girls. Here’s what I would love to share with Oprah and her team about On the Edge of Home: The story of a girl uprooted against her will to a land fractured by Apartheid and coming of age beneath the weight of her mother’s unhealed intergenerational trauma. A powerful coming-of-age memoir set against the backdrop of two of the 20th century’s most oppressive systems, this book follows a young girl uprooted from Israel to Apartheid-era South Africa in 1979, where she must navigate a harshly segregated society while learning a new language, culture, and sense of self. As the oldest of three siblings, she shoulders responsibilities far beyond her years, while grappling with a mother burdened by her own intergenerational scars. She begins to uncover the haunting histories of her grandparents — Holocaust survivors — drawing chilling parallels between the injustices of Nazi Europe and Apartheid South Africa. Through resilience, moral conflict, and the struggle to preserve dignity in deeply divided worlds, it is ultimately a story about searching for belonging and discovering that home is not just a place, but something you carry within yourself, shaped by memory, resilience, and the courage to define who you are.
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Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
